9/8/2025: Hello, I am 24 years old, I am overwhelmingly disabled and have severe CPTSD. I was born to an upper middle class life, my Dad, a worker for the IRS and my Mom, A marketing agent. Before I was born, My Father had an 'accident' per say. The story goes; He was practicing for a band that Him and His friend where working on when He looked in the fridge in the garage and saw a glass of what he thought was vodka, Supposedly it was LSD and that incident caused His immense mental decline. I was told He was sent to a Christian hospital and that they preyed over Him and that it felt to Him as though He was in hell actively. Some months later after I'm born He gets into drugs and starts having an affair with another woman. My mother was deeply troubled and needed things to work out with Him. She never got the protection She needed and was constantly predated upon Her entire life. My grandmother (Her Mom) only ever really cared to feed Her own hedonistic desires. My Mom was raised by her brothers and had to watch as Her mother would bring random men and substances into her house. One of the boyfriends She brought, At some age made my mother and my uncle (Her brother) start doing 'stuff' together. That lead my uncle to start abusing her for years, Decades. My Moms life was terrible and she was stuck. Her mom didn't care. She knew her daughter was being abused and she didn't care. On one occasion the CEO of a company for hair loss approached her when she was 14 and tried to ask her out on a date. He was 30. To this day my Grandma talks about how She should have pursued that, Its disgusting to see. My Grandma would talk about how She would go to parties with the senator and that He was pedophile that She would clean up the oil off left on His floors. Yet somehow today She watches tv complains about how evil Diddy is and then votes for a rapist. She's never changed and my mom never got that support. Even to this day. It infuriates me. After everything She'd been through my mom when She was in her 20's or so thought she had finally found a decent guy in my dad and scrambled to marry him, but that was taken away from her. Without cause and without a reason. The reason my Mom especially needed this to work is because in truth, I wasn't His. I was Her brothers. The reason I'm disabled and she needed things to work out with this guy who she barely knew was that He was the first decent guy She could pin that pregnancy on. After my Dad left because of the affair, She tried to kill Herself and was sent to therapy as well as a rehabilitation center, She would be in and out of them for years too because of depression induced alcoholism. She was having major issues getting full custody, She was even predated upon by the lawyer that took her case. The custody was split and I would often go to my grandparents, which my Grandma never really changed. The only difference was I never really noticed the signs until things started to collapse around me. I had only ever known disfunction. In the time I would spend with my Dad I was really only an object, I was used for drug money and personal entertainment. I was taken to parties I don't remember, I was put on video. One incident that particularly broke me was with his at the time roommates dog. I was made to drink a mixture of what I now know to be Quaaludes and water. I don't think I was awake long later, the next memory I have after that is being underneath that dog and looking up at its eye, It was in pain. So was I. We didn't like what was happening. I remember my Dad coming up behind the dog and taking it by its thing and shoving it. It yelped and tried to turn around which burned. When it was over it was wet and bloody. I only remember two words being spoken at me afterwards. 'clean up', and I did. I went to the shower and I washed the blood and other 'stuff'? out, viscera maybe? I don't even know. I didn't feel normal or well for years physically and I never recovered mentally. My Dad also dated a woman who had a daughter in which I was made to hurt. I feel deep regret for it. After the dog incident I started becoming less social and more close to animals. I became convinced that I could talk to them and understand what they meant and what they felt. I became afraid of the dark as it was constantly infected by my father even after he eventually just left. He had another kid he could abuse and just left. I regret not doing enough to save them. I became dissocialized and felt the only thing I brought from myself was misery. For years id wear a mask of being either to scary to be around or a constant joke. I got deeply invested into the internet in my teen years. I took a slight enjoyment to Homestuck though I never showed it outwardly. I was constantly afraid of making others uncomfortable or my hobbies being cringe, though now I don't really care. Homestuck is where I felt attached to a character. connected viscerally to her dog and making the best of it with a smile. Jade Harley. my beloved. I started calling myself Jade as a young teen probably 15, first on [S4S] 4Chan Minecraft servers but I adopted it as my actual person. I became stronger and more mentally stable as I started to socialize. It never even really felt like I was awake until I was doing things with other people. Like a nightmare. I call myself DogTierJade for the reason now that I find it very fitting. I feel like a dog, literally and metaphorically, as well as it being the god form of Jade. My dad was also weirdly into the occult and by the sounds of it so was the guy who abused my mom and her brother. its weird to see cycles repeat for no reason. I pray I do better to protect those I care about. I don't want to see them hurt. Though I may be a dog, my role is a guard dog. Gaea, my empress says so. I have had a lot taken, stability comfort and more but I must keep going